Tuesday, May 26, 2015

I lied.

So I'm standing in line at the grocery store, and I see this gorgeous black woman in line behind me. She appears to be in my preferred age group,  I establish eye contact. I smile and say hi. She says:
"Don't even think about it. I am not interested,"
I said, "I know you're not interested."  She said, "How do you know?"
I said, "Because you're a black woman in Oregon. Black women here go for white men."
She said," That's a broad generalization."
I said, " I know about 9 black women here. They all either date or are married to, white men. And my 4 black male friends here- they all date or are married to white women."
She said, "I do like white men, but why did you smile at me and say hi?"
I said, " I was just saying hi. That's all."

That wasn't all. I lied.
I was hoping she was one of the rare black women here  in Oregon that's interested in black men.

Monday, February 16, 2015

I was wrong


I thought u was cool.

That’s the bottom line.

I thought u was cool.

The laughter,

The hellos in passing that turned into conversations

Days after weeks after months.

I thought u was cool.

You would see me from the other side of the cardio  station and get on the stationary bike next to me,

One of very people on this earth who actually pronounced my name correctly every time.


I thought u was cool.

I looked forward to seeing you

When I finally asked for your number

You didn’t hesitate.

You grabbed my phone and put your contact information in it,

And asked me to call the number

And your phone rang,

And you added my name to the number.


I thought u was cool.

And when I called the next day I had to leave a voicemail

And weeks later you still haven’t returned my call.

I thought u was cool.
but I was wrong.
I see you at the gym every day
& now you don’t see me from the other side of the cardio station anymore.
I thought u was cool.
I thought wrong.
I almost hate having asked for your number;
That was when the coolness ended.

Monday, January 19, 2015


The right woman will offer to help you clean up after you've cooked her a fabulous dinner. The wrong woman will eat and then leave. If she even shows up.

Sunday, January 11, 2015


I had a date friday evening.  Someone I met on Match.com. We chatted for a few days and talked on the phone before deciding to meet. It was just for a drink,  something simple.

It was a waste of time.  I realized that we were both not what we were looking for, and I got up and left.

She said that she doesn't normally date black men but I seemed nice and we had a lot in common. She also said she doesn't date men as thick as me.  She also said she was a Republican and hated everything President Obama stood for. We had a very heated discussion about the president- her critiquing everything he does and my defending everything he does. She said that whoever she gets serious with would need to convert to Mormonism. She also said she doesn't respect anyone who ate anything that had a mother.

Religion and Politics were something that never came up in conversation before.  That she couldn't respect anyone that ate meat? I knew this train was going no where fast, and I jumped off right thenm and I went home.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014


Dear Lord,

I know that you're noticing how loving, how kind, how forgiving and how compassionate I am in this life. Based on the hand I've been dealt in this life, I must have been an a** in a past life.  I'm sorry. I pray that I stop feeling as if I have to pay for past lives.


Tuesday, December 9, 2014


After 3 years of  dates that went no where, I'm trying Match.com again. I'm also trying out Blackpeoplemeet.com.  I know, I know-some friends give me the side- eye when I tell them I joined Blackpeoplemeet.com since I live in lilly-white Oregon and they give me a hard time about wanting a woman of color, but God is in charge of miracles, and I believe in Him with my whole heart.  

Please pray for me. I'm not getting any younger, and I have needs!    :)

Monday, December 8, 2014


Pretty but ugly

                  This morning I saw a woman on the bus. Skin smooth, dark like chocolate.  Full lips purple in color. Purple waist length tweed coat. Purple and red paisley print dress and red high heel shoes. Purple- favorite color; and red-the best color for black people to wear, an ex-girlfriend said.  Short curly  black afro. High cheek bones. Curvy Beyonce-like hips. Shapely calves. I don't like muscular women, but I loved her calves. I'd guess that she was in her late thirties. She was reading a thick book. My guess was that she was in school.
                   I saw her as I entered the bus. I'm pretty shy, and so I had spent about 5 minutes trying to build up the courage to say . As I sat there, glancing at her periodically, and thinking of what to say after hi or good morning, she looked at me, and, sounding like she was dropped from the ghettos of the slummiest part of Mississippi into the middle of Portland Oregon, she said loudly;

                    "What the fuck you looking at me fuh? Huh? Did you fuckin' lose something over here? Turn yo ass away from this direction okay?"

                    First of all, I thank God for revealing her ugliness. After seeing her external beauty, God showed me her internal ratched-ness in all its glory. Usually when I convince myself of failure for not speaking to a hot woman, I feel like kicking myself. Not this time. God let me know, in His infinite wisdom, not to waste one more minute of my time being hesitant to make a connection with her. She wasn't hot anymore.

                    So, in my attempt (and failing) to make her feel bad, I said,  "I was looking at you because I thought you were very attractive and I was trying to build up the courage to say hello and start a conversation based on your response, but you're not beautiful on the inside. Apparently you're a ratched bitch."

                    Then she began to cuss me out, but I put my headsets on and turned the volume up so I couldn't hear anything. I saw her lips moving fast but I didn't hear a word she said after;

                     "Who the fuck is you?"


Monday, April 28, 2014

I know you're here somewhere

Thursday, March 13, 2014

A Confession

I want to speak to you, but I don’t know what to say. I want to touch you, but you are far away. I want you to know me, but what could be is all shrouded in mystery. So inside, I will dream a big dream and find a star to wish on, have faith that it might come true. So inside, I will pray for patience. Love, come my way.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014


On the show "Being Mary Jane," Mary Jane was on a date with a new guy and he mentioned to her that he was once married for 5+ years. She said she was putting on her Oprah hat and she asked him a profound question: "what did your ex-wife teach you?" He said the biggest lesson was forgiveness, mainly with him self. I'm going to ask myself that question. What did my ex-girlfriend teach me? I would say the biggest lesson was that I was a good man: that I deserved her and was worthy of her

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Nothing to report.

You might notice there hasn't been any postings lately, for good reason. I haven't been on a date for quite a while. There's a certain type I'm looking for. I know I'm not being picky, or at least I don't think I am. I know I'm in the wrong state for the type of woman I desire, but I live here, and I am not ready to change my mind. What am I looking for? A woman of color. A Christian woman of color. A Christian woman of color who is single. A Christian woman of color who is single and who wants to have a child with me. Those are the bare essentials. I live in Oregon. I have nothing to report. I have a black male friend who only dates white women. He won't even look at a black woman. He was adopted by a white family as a child. and he had 8 siblings, all white. White skin is all he knows-and prefers. He swears by his woman he was dating for 2 years. I'm happy that he's happy. Today he told me that in a heated argument between the two, she shouted out the one word he swore was not in her vocabulary. The one word that was powerful to dissolve the relationship immediately. You know the word: begins with N and ends with R. It followed the words "You Goddamn Motherfucking--." That's always what I'm afraid of. I would kick any guy's ass who called me that. I have ended friendships with people who know I don't tolerate that word- and they uttered it while drunk. I would dissolve a relationship immediately. I don't care how long we were together. Period. End of sentence.

Thursday, January 30, 2014


Sunday, November 3, 2013

That awkward moment

When you're invited to a party and your friend tells you he's invited a single friend of his  and thinks I would like her because she loves baking, Franz Kafka, Alexander McQueen , and Wisconsin ( all the things and people I appreciate) and she shows up--

with her fiancĂ©e.  A woman as gorgeous and as sweet she was. I was disappointed for me but happy for them. We talked for hours, and laughed, and even exchanged contact information.

In the past month I met 5 beautiful women. None of which I could date because I'm not a woman.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Single Life

So an hour ago, my landlord and her husband stopped by the house that I'm renting with two other people.  Usually she calls before coming over since they live 2 hours away and they don't have keys to the house. I had taken off some latex gloves to answer the door. Anyway, they stopped by to clean or replace the air vents for the heater and dryer. While her husband  did what they came to do, my landlord was looking through the mail that always comes to the house for her. Then she asked me:

"So, Alieux, how's your love life? Are you dating anyone?"

I told her:

"I'm home on a Saturday night, cleaning the oven. That's how my love life is."

I know it sounds pathetic.  It is pathetic.