Sunday, December 5, 2010


"We're very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you.

eHarmony's patented matching system was developed after extensive research into marital satisfaction. We use each person's responses to our Relationship Questionnaire to predict the pairings of individuals that are highly likely to result in satisfying long-term relationships, based on what we learned through our research.

Unfortunately, based on responses to our questionnaire, we occasionally find situations where our matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches, and this has happened in your case. Please understand that it is a result of our matching process and in no way reflects on you as a person or your ability to be in a happy relationship.

We apologize and regret our inability to find good matches for you. The time you spent completing our questionnaire, however, has enabled us to provide you with a free Personality Profile.. This Personality Profile lets you learn more about yourself and should provide you with valuable insights.

We wish you all the best in your search for that special someone."

This was the message I received after completing the exhaustive questionnaire on eHarmony, tonight. Suffice it to say, apparently I am so picky that eHarmony doesn't even have a match for me within 300 miles of where I live. That's right. One of the many many questions asked was what distance I was willing to travel to find a match. I wanted to chose the closest one-30 miles, but I decided to increase the odds of my finding a match by choosing the 300-mile option.

Apparently I should have chosen the 'worldwide option'.

Very disappointing.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I had dinner with my friend Bin, last wednesday. I hadn't seen him in a while so I asked him what he had been up to, and he said: "I've been really busy."
I just assumed he's been busy with work, but he's actually been busy with dating. "As a matter of fact," he said, " After dinner, I'm meeting a woman tonight for tea, and I have 5 dates between tonight and Sunday."
I know you're thinking he's being a player, but it's the opposite. These are all first dates. The first dates are always short dates, like meeting for coffee for tea. If there's a connection it may lead to a dinner date or more. If not, that's alright because it was just meeting for coffee or tea. He's trying to find that connection. I felt inspired the more he talked about it. I asked him how he's getting all these dates, considering that I haven't had 5 dates in the 3 years I have lived in Oregon. I had to know his secret, but what he said was common sense. "I didn't just message 5 women. Throughout the week I message about 5 women a day, through match.com, plentyoffish.com, yahoo personals, etc., which is about 35 or more women a week. I don't expect all of them to respond, but the odds are good that a few will respond." I felt as if a light bulb had lit above my head. I had a membership with match.com that I had cancelled a while ago. I would message maybe 2 women a week or more, and then get upset because they were not responding. What he said made sense, so guess what I did? That's right. I reactivated my match.com membership, i joined blacksingles.com, interracialsingles.com, plentyoffish.com, yahoopersonals, and even reactivated my membership with arabium and iranian personals ( I LOVE persian women). I've so far messages about 25 women since last thursday. I haven't received any emailed responses yet, but I'm feeling hopeful! Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

This is a response to another Craigslist posting I made this morning;



S Koshar to pers-v7nbx-200. show details 2:05 PM (1 hour ago)
Your posting on craigs caught my eye...mmm...I just had to respond and say I am interested, very much so! I am friendly, mature, full of passion, and know what I want...right now I want you! I'm a big girl, as you can guess from my pic. Black guys like 'em big, so todays your lucky day! I don't like to be alone too much..Join me for some fun. By the way, any night but tuesdays. I have therapy on Tuesday nights, and without it I become a freakish, paranoid beast, so it's better for all of us that I show up on another night. Let's hook up!

I wonder (Beaverton)2222073290667822






Tuesday, September 21, 2010


i'll make this blog entry short.
i met a woman this morning on the train to work. she sniffed my neck. she liked my cologne. she remembered smelling it when she sat next to me on the train last week when I was asleep. this morning i was awake. she was attractive. we talked the entire train ride. i asked for her number. we exchanged numbers. i asked her out to dinner friday. she suggested tonight. i said cool. said i'd call during lunch time to confirm.
I called her during lunch and left a voicemail.
it's 9:41 pm now.
I gave up on her returning my call by 6.
I went to the gym. and just got home.

no voicemails from her, and no missed calls from her.

hopefully she'll know to avoid me if she sees me on the train, because i will confront her.

Saturday, September 4, 2010


I love technology. I love how it helps you to do things faster. I love how it helps you to do what might normally take 5 people to do. I love how it helps you to be more effective at your job and reminds you to do things that are important. I have my Microsoft Outlook set up at work to let me know when the emails I send to people actually arrive to their in-box and when or if they are opened. That way, someone can never tell me they didn't receive an email from me if I know when it enters their in-box.

It also lets me know if emails I've sent have been deleted without being read.


3 months ago my friend Taylor invited me to a house-warming party where I met a woman named Adina. I thought we clicked well. We talked to each other the whole night. We seemed to have alot in common. Everytime we lingered elsewhere to talk to other people, we always seemed to gravitate right back towards each other. We talked and laughed and exchanged numbers and email addresses and even made plans to meet up the following weekend. We were the last 2 people at the party before Taylor hinted that we should leave. Adina said she was traveling out of town early in the morning and would be back Sunday night, so we said our goodbyes at her car door when she drove away.
The monday after the party, I called the number she gave me and I got the following message:

This is not a working number. Please hang up and try your call again.

I called the number again and got the same message.

Then I emailed her, telling her it was nice meeting her, and that I was looking forward to seeing her on saturday.
My Microsoft Outlook informed me that she deleted it without reading it.
I wanted to assume it was an accident, but I didn't want to appear too eager and so I waited until Thursday to re-send the message to confirm I would see her.
This time Microsoft Outlook informed me that she opened it and deleted it five minutes later.
That was 4 months ago. I had forgotten all about it.
Tonight I was at a dinner party with another set of friends. I was introduced to guess who?
Adina. Some guy had returned with two glasses of wine. He handed one to her.
Adina: Oh my God, Alieux, you know Claire?
Me: yeah, I do.
Adina: Small world! She's my sister!
Me: (I didn't even respond)
Adina: Long time no see. How have you been?
Me: I've been good.
Adina: I thought about you. We were supposed to hang out sometime. Why didn't we?
Me:You gave me a wrong number.
Adina: (looking dumbfounded) I did. Are you serious?
Me: You know you did. It wasn't even a working number.
Adina: What number did I give you?
Me: I don't know now. I threw it away. It was 4 months ago. I called the number twice and got the same message.
Adina: Maybe I transposed a number by accident.
Me: Yeah, uh huh. I emailed you that following Monday after your trip.
Adina: You did? I didn't get an email.
Me: You deleted it without reading it.
Adina: I get tons of spam, and sometimes I delete stuff I don't mean to delete.
Me: I had sent you another email that following Thursday. You opened it, and five minutes later you deleted that one as well. Oh, and by the way, Taylor said the number you gave me was no where similar to the number she has for you.

If Adina was white, she would have been red in the face. She looked at me, opening her mouth as if to speak but no words came out, so she closed it. She knew she was caught. She was probably surprised that I let her know she was a liar rather than to just think so.
I was going to add something else but I thought that what I said was sufficient.
The guy she was with, was obviously upset about it too. I figured she must have met him at the party and he didn't want to waste time with someone who might give him false contact information at the end as well. He walked away from her, shaking his head, as I stood there, looking at her, glad to able to confront her after all this time.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

another response --6/2/10

Still looking?






Inbox
X





Reply
|

kristin yuengling

to pers-nwncz-177.
show details 4:03 pm (1 day ago)

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html


And how is everything? Things would be better for me if I met a black man that appreciated me. the white men here suck, big time. you look like you might know how to make a gal like me happy, and Boy don't i need some happiness! I got a plate in my head but you'd never know. I have to inform the TSA people so that when the alarms go off they know i'm not smuggling anything between my boobies, which you'll see if you play your cards right :) . Oh, and my left leg is an inch shorter than my right leg, but that shouldn't matter none. I can still boogie down! Also, my womb is gone. I had to have an emergency histerectomy when i was 14. Long story. I know you want kids someday. Hopefully, if you like what you see, and we click, then we can adopt. lets make a connection! you won't be sorry! We could have alot of fun!


this message was remailed to you via: pers-nwncz-1770151044@craigslist.org

LOL another response to my ad-6/1/10







Inbox
X





Melynda Ritterbush
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY ** Avoid: wiring mo...
Jun 1 (2 days ago)
Crissie Jolicoeur
------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------...
6:48 am (2 days ago)
Reply
|

Olga

to pers-nwncz-177.
show details 1:54 pm (1 day ago)

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

Your story appears good. Well, here's my story. I'm single. I'm from Mississippi but I moved to Hillsboro with my mom and her second on and off boyfriend and my younger brother 'cause i had nothign better to do. I can tell from your profile that you like kids. I have 4, all under the age of 6. My mom says that's why I'm single, but she's never had my back. Between you and me, I think she's jealous that guys want me more than her. She thinks she's my age. Your profile also says you want to have kids someday. I tend to get pregnant very easily, just so you know. I'm an independent girl. I don't work, but I am collecting child support from the 4 daddies of my kids. If want a woman that will give you babies, gimme a holla! Don't be shy! Come scoop me up before someone else does! Let's get it started in here!




Monday, May 24, 2010

Already

I got a response to my Craigslist ad. Here's the first one-


Christina B-----t to pers-zfxcs-175. show details 2:37 PM (31 minutes ago)
Images are not displayed.Display images below - Always display images from chrissy-----@yahoo.com

Hi -
First off, I'm not on the leaner side. Let's just put that out there. I know....I know....I hate people who can't follow directions too. And yet, here I am. I'm desperate. I've attached a pic, see what you think. And if you want to reply, maybe we can both stop hating the weekends.
Christina




For comic relief, mostly

I updated my last posting on Craigslist. I don't expect anything legitimate from it. I expect messages from skanks sending me faceless pics containing breasts and vaginas, telling me they enjoy sex, instead of what I'm looking for- replies from respectable Christian women, looking for a good Christian man to meet and get to know.

A friend told me she tried match.com and found no one, but she posted on Craigslist and found her husband. They're happy. She swears by Craigslist, but every time I update my posting, I get emails from the skanky-types above, with requests to reply to an email address different from the one they used to respond to my Craigslist posting.

Within hours, the skank emails will arrive...
"AGCasey,

Here are your newest matches.

Your New Mutual Matches. We were unable to deliver any Mutual Matches to you today. To ensure you receive the best possible matches, please create your free profile or update the one you already have, and double-check that you haven’t been too restrictive with your matching criteria."

This is the email I've been getting in my in-box every day, for a week now after signing up with Match.com.

As a result, every day I make it even less restrictive, but there are some things I'm looking for that I refuse to change; she needs to believe in God, and she has to want kids. I would prefer that she be a black woman, but I can be flexible in that regard.

Soon, Match.com will force me to at least have her to be alive and breathing before they match me up with someone.

The first week of my membership with Match.com, I was getting what they call my Daily 5, and Mutual Matches daily, but not one of them was whom I was looking for. I had to call them to ask why they were sending me profiles of women that were Mormons or Atheists, or those who smoke, or didn't want kids, or who stated in their profile that they were looking for men 6' or taller, or lean, or up to age 35 or 40, or women who haven't accessed their profile in a year. It is so frustrating. Now that they've 'fixed' it, I'm not getting any leads at all. And this is the first month of the 6 month plan that I had to pay in advance. :(

Friday, May 14, 2010

Melanie

All I wanted, long term, was to, one day, be a happily married man with children. That’s all I wanted-what I still want. Nothing flashy. No bells and whistles. I want a wife who can’t wait until I get home so I can make dinner,, daughters to show me what they learned that day in ballet, and a son to throw the football with while dinner is in the oven. But it all starts with dating. Baby steps…

Friends tell me that I should write a book about my dating experiences. If I did, it would be called Mis- Adventures in Dating, with the name of each woman as the title of the chapter.

This chapter would be titled “Melanie” (her name changed for her protection)

Melanie sought me out through the Daily 5: on Match.com, we’re given a maximum of 5 members that the company’s computer thinks would be a good match based on ideals we seek in the opposite sex. I showed up on her list about a week ago. I’ve only been a member of the site for 2 weeks, so any opinion I have about the site would be premature. Suffice it to say, what is most important is how honest one is with their questionnaire. For example, with the political question, we both chose Middle of The Road. I was honest with my answer. Mostly my views are liberal, however I have some views that are slightly conservative. She was either dishonest with her answer, or she truly thinks that being a Tea Party supporter is considered Middle of The Road.

That’s right. I found out, on the eve before our date that she was a Tea Party supporter, and, I’m going to create a new word here—a Palinophile. That’s right. She loves Sarah Palin, and all things Sarah Palin. I found out during our date that she loves John Mc Cain as well. But that’s not even the shocking part- all this wouldn’t have been much of a surprise if she was blonde haired and blue eyed, but, get this- the woman was black! That’s right. She was a bona fide sista. Not sister, but a sistah. Granted, we’re not monolithic in our political or other leanings, and because she’s a sista doesn’t mean she’s a Democrat, but come on! What has the Tea party done for me lately? I’d be interested in knowing what she thought the party had done or could be done for her.

I debated whether I should even go through with the date. I took a survey today, and all but one of my friends said I should go. So upon thinking about going through with the date, I wondered how not to think about the elephant in the room. What came to mind when she told me about her support of the Tea Party were those posters and signs of President Obama with a hitler moustache, or looking like the Joker, or the pictures of President Obama looking like an African savage with a bone in the nose, on signs saying ‘go back to Kenya.’ How was I going to talk around the issue? I have to admit that I agreed to go on with the date because despite her obvious insanity , she was Sanaa Lathan-pretty’, and I am sorely in need of female companionship!

Well, I didn’t have to avoid the issue. She beat me to it, and this was how it went:

Melanie: Hi Alieux, you look just like your picture.

Me: Thanks (assuming that’s a compliment since I was in her Daily 5 and she sought me out), and you look even better than your pictures.

Melanie: Thanks, I forgot to ask, during our conversations. Please tell me you’re not an Obama supporter.

Me: I am, very much so.

(Suddenly I can feel a chill in the air)

Melanie: Oh my God, No! No! You seemed so intelligent. You’re really a fan of that Communist Nazi?

Me: And speaking of intelligence, (laughing) Communism is to the left and a Nazism is to the right, like saying "Democrat-Republican" it just makes no sense. That would make a person the mortal enemy of him/her self. Do you even know the definition of those 2 words?

Melanie: Don’t you see what he’s doing to our country?

Me: Yes, and I love it.

Melanie: I’m scared of him. In fact, I don't know what scares me more--NObama in the White House, or just knowing the lemmings that are jumping headfirst over the cliff live and work right here in America. It's like I'm on a different planet.

Me: You NEED to be scared of the conservatives who have screwed up this country's finances, got us in another quagmire of a war, attacked our civil liberties, stacked our courts with right-wing ideologues and ignored our infrastructure. That's who you should be scared of.

Melanie: Get off NObama’s nuts, and put the blame where it belongs.

Me: By the way, you are on a different planet. Where was your fear when Bush was fucking the country up? Did you have your head in the sand back then too? President Obama said there will be hard sacrifices ahead. People expected him to come in and overnight everything will be fixed. But your man Bush tore this country to shreds, economically. President Obama, Not NObama, said it may take years to get back on track.

Melanie: Back on track from where?

Me: From when Clinton left office.

Melanie: (mocking Bill Clinton) I did not have sexual relations with that woman (she laughs).

Me: During President Bill Clinton's years in office, the United States experienced the longest period of economic expansion on record. Check it out. Google it. Under Ronald Reagan and the two Bushes, America lost manufacturing jobs, experienced increased deficits, and suffered from either decreases or minimal increases in real wages per capita. Check that out too.

Melanie: I uh , uh… NObama only won ‘cause he was black. That’s the only reason why you voted for him.

Me: He won because he was the most intelligent of the two. And I would never vote for someone based on race. To reiterate, Bush fucked the hell outta this country. We needed someone intelligent. Someone with some brain-power. Look at McCain. He couldn’t distance himself from Bush far enough, while Bush was trying to help him win. He actually helped him lose.

Melanie: (looking like a dear caught in the headlights) Sarah Palin - 2012. Get ready for it. That’s all I gotta say.

Me: You haven’t said much in defense of anything you said.

Melanie: Did you come prepared to argue with me or are you always an asshole?

Me: I'm never an asshole. You get your mis-information from Fox News . I know the truth. I like refuting people like you who go along with what people say without finding out the truth for yourself. And speaking of lemmings—

Melanie: Damn why can't I find a black man that shares my political views?

Me: I need to ask, are your family tea party supporters?

Melanie: My parents and my brothers won't even talk to me. They haven't talked to me since I voted for George W Bush both times. Why can't I find a black man that shares my political views? I don't understand it. NObama's got all you black folk brainwashed, but he aint got the wool over my eyes.

Me: Are we on candid camera or something, 'cause this is too surreal. Girl, you are living in some alternate universe. For real

Melanie: What do you mean?

Me: You're not going to find a black man that supports Sarah Palin and the tea party, if that's what you're looking for, then you should have stated in your profile that you're looking for an Uncle Tom or a house nigger, neither of which I am, sorry to disappoint you. I'm not going to waste another second. Bye.

Then I left the restaurant, went home and wrote this up.

I'm glad I asked my friends what questions I should ask her. I researched the answers to those questions and others in preparation for a potential debate.

I'm thinking, how could our previous conversations have shown so much promise, so much potential? Prior to her telling me, the evening before the date, before she told me how she had gotten into an argument with an Obama supporter who was angry that she had put a tea party pamphlet on his car, I was telling myself, "Alieux, don't fuck this up."

I don't know what else to say.

Friday, March 26, 2010

More than meets the eye

Well, since my dates are few and far between, here in Oregon, I had been looking forward to my date this evening, all week long. This was not a typical first date for me. I had met her at a grocery store on monday. Actually, she had met me. She noticed me in the section of the store where the baking supplies were. I was looking at the bags of cake flour, comparing prices and brands, when I heard a voice say, "damn, your girl got you grocery shopping?"
I looked up, saw her, and smiled. At about 5'5", about 145lbs, maybe mid 30s, black, friendly, and noticing me;that kind is extremely rare in Beaverton, Oregon. The causasians here are very friendly and personable, but I notice black women here seem to physically turn their head to look in the opposite direction when I make an entrance (I have a theory about that, which deserves it's own blog entry, at another time ). If I wasn't the only person in her proximity, I would have just thought she was talking to someone else. But she wasn't. She was talking to me! Anway, we got to talking about the items in my grocery cart. She told me her name was Sheila. I told her I was baking a cake for a former coworkers dinner party, as a favor to her, which impressed Sheila. She hinted that she loves Pineapple Upside Down cake and that she she didn't believe I could make one as good as her grandmother. I suggested coming over to make dinner and bake the cake at her place, and she said, "How good are you with soul food? I haven't had any greens or mac & cheese since Christmas. I told her that soul food was my specialty. She smiled and said " Ok then, how about friday," to which I said was cool. I told her I'll make some baby back ribs, some collard greens and mac & cheese, and the cake. We exchanged numbers, and went our separate ways.
Well, during the entire week, we called and texted each other, and she was telling me what she wanted for dinner, etc., I was getting to know her and I was looking forward to the date.
Today, about an hour before I leave work for the weekend, I get a phone call:

"Collect call from Sheila @ Clackamas County Jail."

Normally I would hang the phone up, but I'm curious, so I accept the call.
Me: Hello?
Sheila: Uhh, Alieux, I have to postpone the date.
Me: Why?
Sheila: I should tell you, it might be a while though.
Me: Why? Because you're in jail.
Sheila: They're trying to pin Accessory after the fact, obstruction of justice, and aiding and abetting, on me. But I swear I'm innocent. I didn't know my brother was hiding from the po-po. They said I was helping him evade police capture and giving him physical assistance to allow him to remain on the loose, but I swear, I didn't know he was hiding from the po-po. I swear. Well, I didn't think what he did was that bad, but anyway, they got us both locked up here.
Me: What do you want from me? I'm not bailing anybody outta jail.
Sheila: Wait, before you hang up, I'm scared. I know you're a Christian. Will you pray for me?
Me: Yeah, I'll pray for you. Bye.
Then I hung up the phone.
Now I have all these items for the makings of a dinner that includes baby back ribs, collard greens braised with smoked turkey, mac & cheese, and the cake. None of which I can eat (I can eat the greens though) myself because I'm on a diet

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I figured out what the problem is


In figuring out what love is about, I’ve been holding out for that 1 woman who will overwhelm me. I’ve been looking for my wife, instead of just dating. I now know that I don’t have to want to marry the woman that I date. I just need to ‘engage’; to get myself out there, just to go out and have fun. I don’t have a single unmarried friend here in Oregon with whom I have anything socially in common, as far as the type of music I like ( R&B, old-school R&B, hip hop, jazz), and I HATE going out by myself, but I need to get out of my comfort zone. Someone once said that ‘Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans’;

  • My friend Enri met his now-wife while on a date with his girlfriend at the time.
  • My friend Robin met his now-wife while waiting for his blind date to show up.
  • My friend Jeremy met his now-fiancee while at a Laundromat with his girlfriend.
  • My friend Jamie met her now-husband in the elevator- they were headed to an office party- her boyfriend was his partner in the law firm.
  • My friend Patrick met his future wife while on a date with her sister.
  • My friend Lauren met her now-husband in church; her boyfriend had to work that Sunday
  • My friend Rachel met her future husband who was seated on the plane next to her when she was flying to New Mexico to see her boyfriend.
  • A former coworker named Barb met her husband while holding her boyfriend’s place in line to get football tickets. She and her husband have been married for 50 years now.
  • I even initially met my ex-girlfriend Shakara at the Gym while her boyfriend at the time was running late.


I don’t know where my future wife is, but now I feel more inspired than ever. She might not be the woman I’m dating at the time (no one, currently), but she might be someone I meet because of her. She could be the sister, or friend, or even the friend of a friend. Networking comes to mind.




Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I know I said that I would never post on Craigslist again, but I guess I'm a glutton for punishment; I keep getting responses from autobots. Here's a copy of the posting I made a few minutes ago;

I wonder if there is a black woman in the Portland/Beaverton area, in her mid to late 30s, who'd like to get to know a good, God-fearing black man who is 47, and single and educated and courteous and funny and respectful and all that...? Perhaps we could meet initially for a cup of coffee or breakfast somewhere on some weekend morning or maybe meet at the Farmer's market after conversing via email and/or phone, and if we're not impressed with each other,go our separate ways (or decide to just be friends, which is cool too)? Nothing heavy. I hate my weekends because all my friends have love lives, and it's no fun having no one to do things with. Don't you agree? I'm 5'9" with a thicker build, and I prefer women on the leaner side. Please see my pic below. My email is always bombarded with autobots, so if there's an interest, please comment in the subject line that you read my ad. I'd appreciate it!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I walked away from an attractive woman

I met her at the grocery store yesterday. I liked what I saw from behind, and so when I walked towards her, walking to the other side to see her face, she looked up from the box of avocados, at me, smiled, and said hi.
She was cross-eyed, and spoke with a lisp.