Wednesday, December 10, 2014


Dear Lord,

I know that you're noticing how loving, how kind, how forgiving and how compassionate I am in this life. Based on the hand I've been dealt in this life, I must have been an a** in a past life.  I'm sorry. I pray that I stop feeling as if I have to pay for past lives.


Tuesday, December 9, 2014

After 3 years of  dates that went no where, I'm trying again. I'm also trying out  I know, I know-some friends give me the side- eye when I tell them I joined since I live in lilly-white Oregon and they give me a hard time about wanting a woman of color, but God is in charge of miracles, and I believe in Him with my whole heart.  

Please pray for me. I'm not getting any younger, and I have needs!    :)

Monday, December 8, 2014


Pretty but ugly

                  This morning I saw a woman on the bus. Skin smooth, dark like chocolate.  Full lips purple in color. Purple waist length tweed coat. Purple and red paisley print dress and red high heel shoes. Purple- favorite color; and red-the best color for black people to wear, an ex-girlfriend said.  Short curly  black afro. High cheek bones. Curvy Beyonce-like hips. Shapely calves. I don't like muscular women, but I loved her calves. I'd guess that she was in her late thirties. She was reading a thick book. My guess was that she was in school.
                   I saw her as I entered the bus. I'm pretty shy, and so I had spent about 5 minutes trying to build up the courage to say . As I sat there, glancing at her periodically, and thinking of what to say after hi or good morning, she looked at me, and, sounding like she was dropped from the ghettos of the slummiest part of Mississippi into the middle of Portland Oregon, she said loudly;

                    "What the fuck you looking at me fuh? Huh? Did you fuckin' lose something over here? Turn yo ass away from this direction okay?"

                    First of all, I thank God for revealing her ugliness. After seeing her external beauty, God showed me her internal ratched-ness in all its glory. Usually when I convince myself of failure for not speaking to a hot woman, I feel like kicking myself. Not this time. God let me know, in His infinite wisdom, not to waste one more minute of my time being hesitant to make a connection with her. She wasn't hot anymore.

                    So, in my attempt (and failing) to make her feel bad, I said,  "I was looking at you because I thought you were very attractive and I was trying to build up the courage to say hello and start a conversation based on your response, but you're not beautiful on the inside. Apparently you're a ratched bitch."

                    Then she began to cuss me out, but I put my headsets on and turned the volume up so I couldn't hear anything. I saw her lips moving fast but I didn't hear a word she said after;

                     "Who the fuck is you?"


Monday, April 28, 2014

I know you're here somewhere

Thursday, March 13, 2014

A Confession

I want to speak to you, but I don’t know what to say. I want to touch you, but you are far away. I want you to know me, but what could be is all shrouded in mystery. So inside, I will dream a big dream and find a star to wish on, have faith that it might come true. So inside, I will pray for patience. Love, come my way.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014


On the show "Being Mary Jane," Mary Jane was on a date with a new guy and he mentioned to her that he was once married for 5+ years. She said she was putting on her Oprah hat and she asked him a profound question: "what did your ex-wife teach you?" He said the biggest lesson was forgiveness, mainly with him self. I'm going to ask myself that question. What did my ex-girlfriend teach me? I would say the biggest lesson was that I was a good man: that I deserved her and was worthy of her

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Nothing to report.

You might notice there hasn't been any postings lately, for good reason. I haven't been on a date for quite a while. There's a certain type I'm looking for. I know I'm not being picky, or at least I don't think I am. I know I'm in the wrong state for the type of woman I desire, but I live here, and I am not ready to change my mind. What am I looking for? A woman of color. A Christian woman of color. A Christian woman of color who is single. A Christian woman of color who is single and who wants to have a child with me. Those are the bare essentials. I live in Oregon. I have nothing to report. I have a black male friend who only dates white women. He won't even look at a black woman. He was adopted by a white family as a child. and he had 8 siblings, all white. White skin is all he knows-and prefers. He swears by his woman he was dating for 2 years. I'm happy that he's happy. Today he told me that in a heated argument between the two, she shouted out the one word he swore was not in her vocabulary. The one word that was powerful to dissolve the relationship immediately. You know the word: begins with N and ends with R. It followed the words "You Goddamn Motherfucking--." That's always what I'm afraid of. I would kick any guy's ass who called me that. I have ended friendships with people who know I don't tolerate that word- and they uttered it while drunk. I would dissolve a relationship immediately. I don't care how long we were together. Period. End of sentence.

Thursday, January 30, 2014